Day 30: The End is Nigh

This is the end of the year blog post in which I look back over the past year and attempt to summarize it in a witty and entertaining fashion while still managing to share a nugget of wisdom. 

Usually when I sit down to do this I've some sense of how to summarize the past year.  It's often rather cut and dry.  I'm either excited (This past year was awesome and I am so looking forward to what next year brings!) or I'm relieved (Last year sucked chunks and I'm so glad it's over. Next year can only be better).  2014 though is neither of these things.  I can't say that I look back with a major sense of  accomplishment nor can I say that I'm glad it's over. What I do seem to be feeling is a sense of not being quite finished...

I'm heading into 2015 with what feels like a million things still in progress.

• I'm three semesters away from finishing school.
• I was just accepted into an international study program that is an amazing opportunity and I'm trying to figure out how in the world I'm going to pay for it. It is also going to be a three month interruption in my life and certain things will need to be put on hold until I return.
• My creative career, such as it is, is in flux.  I've found myself heading in a very new direction with my performances which I really want to pursue further but it might mean having to let go of other things (which is never an easy process).
• Okay, that's only three things but those a three really, really BIG things.  And truthfully, I'm kinda freaking out a little.

For most of my life I didn't make plans.  I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life.  Now here I am at almost 43 and I finally (FINALLY!!) feel like I'm headed in some sort of direction.  I keep telling myself that that not knowing what I want to do and having some idea of what I want but not knowing how it will turn out are just two different sorts of uncertainty.  I've lived with uncertainty for this long; why start freaking out,  about it now? Right?

RIGHT??!!

Uh...right. 

Well, here I am, at the end of 2014 looking uncertainty in the face.  I'm hoping that I will either stare it down or we will shake hands and learn to be friends. I will be sure to let you know how it all turns out.