Day 17 - But

This post is being brought to you courtesy of the iPhone blogger app.  I do not have an internet connection this morning and I'm not feeling quite brave enough to venture into the cold to find one.  

Last night I lay awake in bed for an hour and finally logged into my scrabble app to play a few late night games with strangers finally finding sleep around 2:00 AM.  I woke up groggy this morning (no surprise) and though I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all morning I have a to do list a leg long...I got up. 

And I'm thinking to myself now about just how tired I really am and how I can't recall the last time I felt truly relaxed and rested.  And how I have so much in my life that normally I'd take great joy in doing and yet somehow even things like art and learning become just one more item on the to do list.  And how I look ahead to the future and I know that even if I live the hoped for average of 40 more years I can't possibly accomplish all I want to do.  And how much I dislike the words impossible and limits...

And logically I know,

That I am human and to be human is to have limits 

And I know

That the tiredness wakes up my manic 

And I know that I need

Sleep

And food

And interaction

And silence

And joy

And touch. 

And I know that I need to find a way to stop.  

To be okay with standing still

And letting go. 

I know all of this but...

But.