All mixed up and please pass the gravy...

I'm sitting here trying to find the words to explain all the mixed up feelings and jumbles of thoughts that Thanksgiving brings up for me.  It is a holiday that (political statements and dubious origins aside) often leaves me feeling out of sorts and unsure.  It is a day that brings back memories of my Grampy who I will always miss.  My parent's divorce several years ago added another layer of  complication and conflict to the day.  Spending the day with one or the other, regardless of who I am with, always leaves me struggling with a bit of guilt.

The past several years I have spent the day with old friends, a tradition that developed over a decade ago when our families were far away or we couldn't afford to travel.  We kept it going even after  families moved closer or our circumstances had changed.  This year I broke with tradition and I spent the day with my Dad and his family.

Anyway, my thoughts are not forming into any sort of cohesive prose, instead it's coming out in lists:

Things I missed:

...the gathering of my family of choice.  Missed you guys

...waffle, bacon and bloody Mary brunch

...no matter how long it's been I will always miss Grampy

...coffee and dessert in the evening with friends

...my Mom

...turkey leftovers

Things I loved:

...seeing my Gran after too long of an absence

...watching my dad hover and obsess over a turkey

...meeting new people and discussing books

...allowing my dietary restrictions to slide for a whole day (YUM!)

...finding peanut snacks hidden in my backpack when I arrived home

...talking to my brother on the phone

I was left feeling a little sad when I saw many folks at my gran's nursing home had no one picking them up for the holiday.  I was glad to see that where she is living will be much easier for me to get to with public transportation so I can visit her more frequently.   The food was good and everyone contributed something.

So there you have it.  My mixed up little holiday.  Overall it wasn't so bad and I have many things in my life that I am grateful for.   As awkward as it can sometimes be, my family is very high on that list.

Here is wishing you a happy, if belated, Thanksgiving.  I hope you had tasty food, good company and chance to ponder you own personal bits of abundance.