No one can bring me down like I can. I’m truly my own worst enemy when it comes to my own imperfections. I can spot one tiny personality flaw, focus on it with eagle eye precision and then zoom in until what was the size of a pebble is now a looming mountain and I am sitting glumly in its shadow. And once I am there, I begin to tell myself that if I really was the together person I profess to be, I wouldn’t be sitting there wallowing in unhappiness over being less than perfect, which of course only serves to underline the point that I am horribly, horribly flawed.
Being the prepared person that I am have a bag of tricks that I rely upon to pull myself out of such slumps but sometimes no matter how many gratitude lists I make, or long walks I take, or how supportive the friends I call upon are, my mind simply won’t turn around and before I know it I’m sitting on the couch, two cups into a bottle of red wine, weeping over episode upon episode of a BBC period drama.
Before you ask, there isn’t any major problem going on in my life right now. Last night’s boo hoo fest was 100% self inflicted, likely brought on by being too tired (why don't I take care of myself better? I suck.) and worrying too much about how to accomplish my ever lengthening to do list (why don't I plan better? I suck). This is good and bad. Good because if I talked myself into it, I can likely talk myself out of it. Bad because I was able to bring myself there in the first place.
So yes, that woman who was sniffling on my futon while watching Masterpiece Theater on Neflix? Yes, the one who was only one kitty cuddle and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s away from being a spinster stereotype? Last night, that woman was me.
Thankfully today is a new day and I have managed to pull myself out of my mini-wallow. Really, it doesn’t count as a full on wallow unless it includes one 24 hour period of not leaving the house. Tonight I will be venturing out to listen to a friend’s band, perhaps dance a bit and uninviting myself to any more of my own pity parties.
Here’s hoping Friday night treats all of us well.
Great post. Here's a not-so-secret secret: I think all of us do this. I know I do, as do most of the people I know, as least once in a while. I love your guideline for a full on wallow! Hope the fun night out helps you feel better.
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you pulled yourself out and am going to enjoy yourself. I have a lot of pity parties and they usually come, like you, when I am really tired and not eating right. I am a worrier so something I am working on to not do but it is difficult. I like your coping skills of sharing with friends and/or taking a walk. I will have to try that next time.
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