Extra large crochet hook and not afraid to use it...

Sweet Spinsta Rap...

How regular are you?

How often do you poop?  I not only asked and answered that question yesterday, but had about a five minute conversation on the subject with a friend of mine.  It began with a mention of how premenstrual constipation  aggravates the general PMS bloat and what a relief it was when the hormone shift occurs that gets everything moving again.  It ended with a discussion of just what is a normal day for each of us in that department.

Which left me wondering, do men talk about these things?  I'm having a hard time imagining certain male friends of mine ever replying, "Oh well, I'm okay.  The wife's doing well but I've not pooped in two days."  To the question of, "How are you?"

No prunes...

Word is getting around that I have pulled myself from the dating market.  The response to this has been quite varied.  One friend told me of her experiences with six years of being single and told me it was the best thing she ever did for herself. This was really just about the only fully positive response I received.  Another friend looked at me and started crying, and told me she was sad that I was so badly hurt by my last relationship that I was giving up.  A certain family member has heavily hinted that I must just have commitment issues.  Even my therapist thinks that I’m a little bit wonky and expressed some concern that I might end up old and alone. 

Yes, I have stepped back from dating.  This simply means that I am not taking the time to actively seek out a partner.  I’m not listed on any dating website.  I’m not broadcasting my unattached status on facebook.  When I go out on the town to have fun, it is just to do that, have fun and not to cruise the bars looking for a date or a hook-up.   When I dress up for such nights, it’s because I want to look good for me, not for anyone else.  Does this mean I’ve given up on love? 

In short, absolutely not.  What it does mean is that I’m not going to spend my time seeking out second best.  It means that if there is a One and Only out there for me, then I’m much more likely to meet said One by doing the things that I love to do, and by living my life in a way that doesn’t compromise myself.  It also means that this supposed One and Only, should they pop up, needs to make an effort. 

Do I think there is a perfect match for everyone?  I’m not so sure on that one.  I don’t really believe in fate or soul mates, and there is a good chance I could wind up spending my later years by myself, but I do think if I am walking the path that is true to myself, then the things that I want and need will have a much greater chance of coming into my life.  

I do have some lonely nights when I wish that there was someone next to me, holding me in their arms and telling me they love me.  I want to have someone to celebrate achievements and milestones with.  I want comfort when I’m sick or sad.   I want those things but I can also deal with not having them come from just one person.  Right now I have friends to celebrate with and who check on me when I am down or not well.   Heck, I can get the occasional cuddle I want it. 

And before everyone gets all upset thinking that I’m assuming the rest of the world is ‘settling for less’ let me be clear that I am only speaking for myself.  I know many people who are quite happy in their romantic relationships and I know just as many who are not.   I can only know what I want (or really maybe it’s more what I don’t want) and so far, what I’ve been presented with isn’t it. 

So relax my friends.  I’m not intending to dry up and waste away.  I’m not giving up on love or walling in my heart.   I’m simply just choosing not live my life for a maybe-possible someone else.   I'm chosing to live it for me. 

Courage is her middle name...

Turned-On Women Get Organized | Quirkyalone

Apparently this quote is from the Turned On Woman's Manifesto...she ”operates at the edges of her own capacity at all times. She knows that stormy nights break into the most beautiful sunrises. She believes, she gives, she tries again, and she doesn’t check out. Courage is her middle name.”

I could not get the link to One Taste to work but I do truly love this quote. Turned on or not.

The land of happy dancers...

It's Monday morning and I feel like I have just returned from a far away land.  This was the weekend of the premiere of the show I have been working on and so most of the past three days was spent in the company of intensely creative people while doing something I truly love to do.  Our show was a success and we have plans for doing another in the fall.

It is times like that I am reminded that one can be living solo and life can still be truly fulfilling and rewarding.  Yes, it would be wonderful to have had someone else to do the laundry, dishes, cook dinner and clean the toilet during this past super busy week  to have someone special to share these good times with but not having some one doesn't take away from the all of the good that was this weekend.

In fact, yesterday I spent the day by myself, catching up on chores, working my way through a pound of bacon and catching up on my Hulu queue.  Yes, it was me laying on the couch in my sweatpants, the laptop on my belly and a bowl of bacon at my side.  I'm not so sure there is a person out there who would find such a sight sexy, but if there were I'd have probably told them to go find their own bacon as I was very much content to have the day to myself.

And now Monday, and back to the reality of the day job.

Creation

Tonight I attended a rehearsal for a show I am producing and performing in.  I was completely blown away by the amount of talent that will be in this show.  The dancers, musicians, singers, and actors who are taking part in this event are truly gifted.

I have been working for months to bring this show into being, and it can be so easy to forget that while I am organizing, booking, and working out the details as well as working on my own performance, that everyone else is working just as hard to create something wonderful to share with our audience.

I am so grateful to be surround by such people, so full of talent and creativity.  This weekend's show is going to be truly amazing.

No longer coming to the rescue...

I have always been a collector of strays.  Stray animals. stray toys and stray people have made their way into my life over the years.  The animals I have fed, loved and found homes for, the toys get cleaned up and most often repurposed into and art project.  The people, well the people I would try to fix.  I've only had success with the first two.

Of course, the fact that you can't fix someone is something that is obvious to most.  We've all heard the many sayings about how people have to learn to save themselves, they have to want to get 'better'.  Those of us that are people fixers are aware of all of this, we just don't think it applies to us because we are imbued with a special super power that allows us to see just what someone's problem is AND just how to go about fixing it.  What is ironic about this is that when the person we are trying to rescue fails our response is always, "Well if YOU only did what I told you to do you wouldn't have a problem."

As I said, we KNOW that they have to be the one to do it, what we can't understand is why they don't, and so we think then that it must be us, that we must not be saying it loud enough, often enough, or we haven't used the right words.  So we keep trying...like some spinning carnival ride that we know will make us sick to our stomachs, but we get on anyway because we are convinced that THIS time it won't.

Well, I am happy to say that I think I may have finally stepped out of the line for this particular merry go round.  Twice in the past month I've encountered situations with people in my life that in the past would have made me spring into high fix it mode, and I didn't.  It isn't that I didn't feel sympathy for their situation or that I can't be here to listen if they need me to, it's that I had a very conscious realization that other than those two things, there wasn't anything I could do.

It is so hard to watch those we care about suffer, especially when it is due to what we see as their own choices or actions (like addiction or untreated mental illness).  It is so painful to be a witness to a friend's struggle and to know that we can't win the battle for them.

It is never an easy thing to do, but in the end it is not only best thing for the person we so desperately want to save, it is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

The Man Repeller

The Man Repeller - I can't count the ways that I love this website because, there simply are too many. The Man Repeller speaks what is in my heart. The layers, the violent jewelry, the heavy metal...the mustache monocle.

I <3 you Man Repeller.

Quirkyalone...and I agree

The other day I came across the website "Quirkyalone"  What is quirky alone?  Well the website offers this definition:

"Quirkyalone: n. adj. a person who enjoys being single (or spending time alone) and so prefers to wait for the right person to come along rather than dating indiscriminately."

The website also adds that quirkyalones are "not opposed to being in a relationship" but "prefer being single to dating for the sake of being in a relationship."

I think there is a lot to be said for this mindset and that it is very similar to where I find myself right now.   I am certainly not opposed to being in a relationship should the right person come along, but I'm not going to make finding that person the focus of my life.  In fact, I think I'd really like to have someone come looking for me for a change (but you know...not in a creepy stalker way).

I find the idea of being wooed a very appealing one and really, with the way my life is now (so much to do, so many places to be, some many things to accomplish)  I don't have the time to chase down and weed out potentials, not mention my track record with picking decent human beings to date?  Utter failure Not so good!  And internet dating, oh boy.  Let's just say that there are no rules about truth in advertising there.

So here's the deal for the hundreds of eligibles that are banging on my door.  If you want to date me you need to be willing to put in the effort to prove to me why I should because if I've learned one thing these past few months, it's that I don't NEED to be in a relationship to be fulfilled or happy.   And I figure, that if I keep doing the things love and living the life I want to live then I'm a heck of a lot more likely to cross paths with a person who has potential, right?

I guess this means I'm discontinuing the search, but I'm not giving up, because I'm definitely keeping my eyes open.  The rest, totally up to you...

Oh blessed coffee!

Coffee and health: Coffee studies suggest it's good for the heart - latimes.com

At various times in my life I have successfully given up many different "bad" habits, generally for health reasons both physical and mental. Some I only gave up temporarily, sugar, alcohol, wheat; and some permanently, smoking, nail biting. The one I have never been able to kick though is coffee.

It isn't even a caffeine thing, though each and every time I've tried to quit the headaches and generally crankiness would have been a large motivator in picking the habit back up again. It's the ritual of it. It's hearing the coffee pot brew while I'm laying in bed (I will not own a coffee pot without a timer), pouring that first cup and sipping it while perusing the online news sites and blogs I read each morning. It's the pause is gives me during my morning work hours, those few moments I can stand and do nothing while the Keurig brews my next fresh cup.

Granted, there are times in my life when I have relied on coffee perhaps too much to get me through the day. I am a very busy woman and while highly motivated I still require a minimum amount of sleep, which I don't always get, and so coffee has come to my rescue. Like anything else I might temporarily do to excess, once I recognize it I cut back and life returns to normal.

Now I am glad to find out that I don't need to give up my beloved brew and morning companion. As it turns out...it's actually good for me!!! Yes, the universe is once again smiling up us.

Tears can be a bad thing...

You would think that crying, since tears are nothing more than salt water (i.e. saline), would moisturize one's contacts instead of gumming them all up so one can't see, but that is not the case.  Maybe it is a case of too much of a good thing?

I think holding on to pain is rather similar.  One might think that holding onto anger or sadness over a wrong done to you would somehow empower you to let go because you'd remember why exactly you need to move on, but in reality it doesn't.  It just makes one more unhappy and less likely to move on.

The key would be to find a way to let out the grief, pain and anger without wallowing and thus gumming up the emotional works.  

Before I blogged, I journaled...

I’ve kept a journal since the fourth grade.  I think it was originally Laura Ingalls Wilder who inspired me.  I pictured her spending her evenings writing in a diary all about Pa, Ma and her sisters.    Of course, I was never one to record the events of my life though in some way I wanted to be.  I think I was born with a sense of impending doom for the world and thought someone should record in the first person what the world was like, and I would try at times, but eventually the entries would turn into what would become years of emotional discussion with myself.  

My journals were more of a collection of my reactions to events, broken up by long debates with myself about where in life I was headed.  Even as a nine year old the entries were a string of unanswerable questions about the world, me and the people in my life.   Would I ever be happy?  Were my parents happy?  What was my cat thinking?  Would I always feel this lonely?  Why can’t my friends leave me in peace?

When I look back on these records of my life it appears that I have been through so much emotionally, up and down.  Crying one day (oh he doesn’t love me, the cat died, I was fired, I fought with my mother…), excited the next (oh today he loves me, I have a new job, this next story will be the ONE that gets published, ooooh ice cream…) and then a long period of nothing.  Weeks or months may pass between entries, when life just simply went on.   

Maybe I should write a disclaimer to paste into the front of all of those diaries, just in case one day someone does read them: 

“What you are about to read is the emotional story of Jane.  Please note that while her life may appear to vacillate between deep woe and high adventure, in between those events…nothing much really happened.  So take heart dear reader, and trust that in the end she turned out okay.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is pretty much what happened. 

Good news...

BBC News - Shopping 'may improve health'

Here it is folks: Shopping is good for you! Okay, so maybe it doesn't have a damn thing to do with the lift in spirits that accompanies slipping one's feet into a new pair of shoes, but it appears that shopping is good for mental health and it helps you live longer.

Also, though this is a couple of years old there, is a movement to reclaim the word spinster!  I say this is a very good thing not only because of the name of this blog, but also because being  a single woman can be a choice like any other.

So grab your debit cards ladies, lets go shopping and celebrate the spinster lifestyle!

Shut up!

Have you ever been in the midst of talking to someone, you are very excited about what you are discussing, you are quite sure that this person is a kindred spirit, and you are so excited to be able finally discuss this ever so interesting topic that no one ever really seems to want to listen to you blather on about when suddenly you notice, they're not really all that interested?

It might be body language like putting their hand over their mouth, or maybe they take a step back, or they start to say things like, "huh. hmmm yeah.  oh, interesting" while very obviously scrolling through their email on their iPhone.

Yeah.  The exact above scenario just happened to me after my IT Administration class when I started talking to my professor about iPhone apps and then somehow wound up chattering on about dark fiber, creative commons, music rights and why I am a business major.

He started backing away somewhere around creative commons but I was in denial and just kept right on talking.   I could see it happening, but I couldn't stop myself my mouth.  It just kept right on going, and as I saw him losing interest did I take the cue and back off?  NO!!!  I talked faster, as though I knew he was about to make his escape and I just had to squeeze in more words or I would not get it all out before he turned and ran.

While my mouth ran on and on I'm asking myself, WHY?  Why can't I just shut up?  I'm around people all day, it isn't as though I'm a hermit with no social life.  As the words came faster and faster out of my mouth and I could see his eyes glaze over a voice in my head was shouting,

"Run you poor man.  Run before she changes topics again and you have to listen to her talk about tax credits, choreography, the wonders of recycled rubber in pavement or...oh god, the worst of the worst, HER CATS!  Save yourself!!"

At some point I stopped for breath and he managed to bark out a quick.  "Well, have a good weekend." Then turned and walked away...

"Um...yes.  You too."

Alcohol

Maybe it's just a part of aging or perhaps it is that I simply don't do it that often any more and thus my tolerance just isn't want it used to be but, alcohol and I do not seem to get along that well anymore.  I don't really enjoy the experience of drinking.  I don't like how it makes me feel like I have less control over my actions, or how it takes an entire day to get over it should I imbibe a bit too mucch.

I've gone long periods without drinking.  The longest span has been about two years.  While I'm not sure I want to draw a line in the sand and say I'm stopping all together for X period of time, I am drinking less and less lately.  I would not be at all surprised if in a few weeks or a month I was not drinking at all.

I think my liver would thank me for it.

A note

I just want to make a note of the fact that today is one of those rare days when I feel comfortable in my own skin.  It isn't that I don't feel better or worse physically, just sort of okay with my body as it is at the moment.

This is a rare moment indeed.

Well Said!

Celibacy and prolonged singledom are viable options for a wide variety of women - The Globe and Mail

What a wonderful article about making the choice to be single or even celibate for a time. I'm currently not actively dating. Many of my friends do not understand why I have chosen to do this and while I'm not going to take the time to explain it all here right now, I will say that never before have I felt more empowered to live my life in a fashion of my own choosing.

I'm sure I will date again, but right now I do not need the distraction and my life is very fulfilling and full of love. Thank you to the authors for sharing this!

A want for drive...or a better calendar

Having gone through a recent health almost-crisis (one where the words cancer and tumor were both mentioned) I find that I am wanting to view the world differently.  I say 'want' because really, I'm not quite there yet.  I have the desire to be a person who knows her goals, maintains her focus and accomplishes great things that leave everyone else wondering just how she manages to do it.  I guess this is something I have wanted for a long time, but recent events just bring it back into the picture.  I want the prize and I want to be willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

I have this friend who I admire greatly and one of the things I admire most is his drive.  He seems to have this ability to stay on track without distraction.  He is able to put in whatever hours are needed, even when he is exhausted.  There are times I won't hear from him for days because he is working, always working and he loves what he does.  He is willing to do the work because the result at the end is so fulfilling.  (I not only admire this in him, but I find it intoxicatingly attractive... it is such an appealing quality in a person don't you think?)  

I think about all I want to do right now:  finish school, make my new business endeavor a success, excel at work.  create through writing, dance and visual art, become financially stable and make myself beautiful inside and out.  I want to know if accomplishing this is too much to ask from the universe and myself.  I want to be greedy and have it all.

Am I willing to make the sacrifices I need to in order to do all of this?  I want to be.